A few hours of normalcy

Wed, May 2, beautiful outside

Last night, around 8pm, I walked outside to greet my parents and let the kids give good night kisses. With delightful shock, I felt *normal*. I didn't feel like I was in a haze, or like something was pressing on my insides, no nausea...I felt like moving and being and dancing with my kids.

Today, I felt sick all morning, but for about 3 glorious hours this afternoon, I felt like cleaning and playing, which is so much more how I *like* to be. It makes me happy to be bustling about, watching my kids laugh, while wiping a counter or a dirty face. It's amazing how quickly you can forget what normal feels like when you don't experience it for a while. For 3 weeks now, I haven't felt like standing, much less cleaning or tidying anything and I began to think that I really was just lazy and a slob. I imagine that's what depression does, or alcoholism, or sickness, or any number of things that stays and drains somebody for weeks on end without stop. It becomes a new normal.

It's now time to cook dinner and my window of normalcy has passed. I feel queasy again and dread cooking, and even more, eating.

Which brings me to the second human attribute that supersedes all others: hope. With just a few hours of not being sick to my stomach, I'm already hoping that this was a sign that the worst of pregnancy sickness has passed and is a window into what's to come. Namely, more and more hours of not feeling like this.

Brigid's advice (as I tend her flame today): Take advantage of the hours when you feel good, work hard and play hard while you can, because you may not be willing or able to do it later.