Feeling the Shift

Tuesday, chilly, enjoying the fall weather/apples/fireplaces/cocoa

Last night, I felt the shift occur. The big huge mental shift from "yippee, being pregnant, growing a baby" to a sudden, almost shocking panicked realization of "OMG! I have only a few weeks left!!!"

It happened as I was enjoying a relaxing bath, thinking about what's coming up, holidays, festivals, and paydays, the midwife's home visit...good stuff, ya know? Floaty, chill, musings. A small jolt at realizing that car insurance is due next month on the 19th, and that's only in 2.5 weeks and then HOLY CRAP! I'm due 2.5 weeks after that! Instant electric shock to the psyche. Everything went from relaxed to panic in a nanosecond.

Today has been incredibly different from every other day in this pregnancy. All thoughts that have floated across my brain have been prefaced with "how close is this to 5 weeks from now?" Or random thoughts about the 6 week bleeding after (and the ban on sex) and that I have less than that to go.

I'm going to have a newborn.
I need to get everything together.
The crib is still in the garage.
Why the hell is the midwife's number not on a sticky note?
The LIST of stuff to get together! GAH!

Here I've been, chillin', drinking cocoa and cross-stitching and out of nowhere nesting came and hit my ass off of the couch with a broom. The time has come. The time is now. Thanks, Marvin K. Mooney, I got the hint.

Better go check the date on that infant car seat, like I've been saying I'm gonna do.

What is my umbilical cord today?

My husband did a recent post on his blog, http://witchingpath.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-center-of-devotion-home-altar.html, which got me thinking about our mental attachments throughout the day. I'm going in a totally different direction than his, but it did spark the original thought.

Here's what I've learned to be true and right with me:

• When the kids are little (read=toddler age and younger), I'm hyper-connected to them. Like there's a psychic/emotional/mental (I'm going to call this PEM) connection to them. I don't like them being far away and would feel extremely anxious if I wasn't near them for a period of time.
• Whatever I do first in the morning sets up my PEM umbilical cord. If I'm concerned with getting housework done, schooling the kids, devotionals, paying bills, XYZ that's important and coming up soon, it's where my awareness comes back to repeatedly. It can cause anxiousness, but it's also very important to actually getting the important stuff done.
• (don't read if you love your morning facebook addiction) When I get on FB in the morning, or blog, or post on social media in any way, it creates a tether. It sets my own PEM umbilical cord that *pings* me every few minutes. 

Here's the kicker...I'm finding them to be exactly the same. My tether to my altar and my devotionals. My tether to my kids and my awareness on them. My tether to "checking facebook." My tether to the list of what needs to be done. I can choose them or they can *ping* me against my will, but they're all powerful.

And further adding to that, there is one ring to rule them all. When I get into the mode I'm in right now...writing a blog, highly concentrated, all the rest get pushed to the side and even *irritate* me by their existence. No kids, I don't want to hear that you're hungry. I'm working on something that's SO IMPORTANT!

Holy crap.

I'll hit publish on this, go to do my housework and stuff, and I promise you that I'm going to be hyper-aware of the computer for the next few hours. *headshake* It's an amazing survival instinct for keeping our babies safe, a lifeline for the baby forming in my tummy, a great way to get every.thing.done.that.has.to.be.done.before.this.weekend. and so forth. But it is powerful and we create it more than we realize.

Where have you put your PEM umbilical cord today? Mine is, I'm ashamed to admit, linked into cyber-space today. I think a trip to the park, with the phone left in the car, is in order. If I can create this link, I also have the power to diminish its sphere of awareness within me. See ya on the flipside. I'm out for the day.

By Right of Blood

From the Mother flows into the Placenta
The DNA, the Code, all of history, lineage
Blue Eyes, Brown Hair, cool tricks of the tongue
Into the babe, nutrients, cells, Life

Through this, I Claim Blood Right
To enjoy the quirky way my son smiles
To bask in the sound of my daughter's laughter
To revel in the rolling of an elbow, of a child yet born

I Claim Blood Right
To the artistic and creative lineage of my Mother
To the philosophical and silly heritage of my Father
To the bond of blood, of Family

On back through the ages,
The Good and the Undesireable
I Claim it as my History, my Blood
My People and my Clans

Curtis, Martin, Kawa, Mann
And now Wood and Stevens
Marriages forged, names taken
Through it all runs the Blood

The Blood flows into the Placenta
Pulsing, nourishing the Code, Fertilized Egg
Passing on the DNA to the unborn
The Bond of Family and Blood