Weird Dreams

Friday, April 15, sunny and mildly warm, game day with Grandpa

I always have the weirdest dreams when pregnant. There's a whole lot of miscarriage dreams that usually freak me out and make me cling to DH's arm the rest of the night. I had two of those in the last two nights, each frightening in its own way.

I don't set too much stock in dreams, especially when they come as frequently as this. But I do wonder: is there a message in all of this? Is my psyche and subconscious trying to frantically catch up to where my body already is? The little parasite (awww) is still barely above cell dividing level. Still no real placenta, the heartbeat barely detectable; in truth, it's barely a speck, smaller than the ball on my tongue ring. Yet, it's having a profound effect on my sleep, dreams, waking thoughts, conversations, diet, and everything else. In less than 3 weeks, I have been successfully commandeered. How odd.

When I did my morning devotional yesterday, I was all down on myself for feeling lazy, sluggish. For the first time ever, I felt completely released from that guilt. It's okay that my house isn't spotless or my laundry kept up on. It's even okay that my kids have done less-than-desirable amounts of school work this week, since it is, you know, Spring Break.

It's okay because I'm making a baby. I am growing this little lentil bean and I need to continue to listen to my body, even when it says "chill out." The guilt is the hard part to overcome, but I felt it completely release, and I'm thanking Brigid for it.