First Symptom and an astral THUMP!

4/4/12 Warm, breezy, took a nice bike ride with pretty, puffy clouds in the sky

Last night was my first real pregnancy symptom, besides the usual bloated, crampy, starting my period feeling. I had the most amazing vivid dreams, including both of my children, my husband, my sister, some really cool escape from a dungeon stuff. I also had a nursing infant that someone was trying to claim as her own and I went all Mother Bear on her ass.

Then I dreamed that I was telling my mom that I was pregnant. My conscious mind started to wake and in that lucid state I was like "well, I do know how to bring her. It's something I've done before." So I called to her and asked her to come. I felt her excitement and forward movement and then THUMP! I heard/saw some words that might have translated to HMPT HWUY. After a moment I realized that we have wards all over our home/hearth/covenstead, not to mention personal Deities on the lookout. Honestly, it felt like she hit a really solid barrier. I was almost snapped awake and I certainly became more thinking and less feeling. Piecing it all together, I asked Brigid to escort me to her, kind of like meeting on a fence-line. There I slipped back mostly into a dream state, but I remember telling my mom that I was pregnant and hugging her.

I woke soon after, or at least nothing else of consequence happened. In those first awake moments, loss and pain at not being able to physically tell my mom, the profound absence of sharing those experiences with my own mother, were unbearable. To make matters worse, I felt jealous of my sister being able to have those experiences, being able to have mom there with her first two children--something I will never have. But it was fleeting and what remained was joy at feeling like I did share it with my mom, even if limited.

Traveling in astral while lucid is not recommended. It's extremely uncomfortable when rushing forward and can be rather unpredictable, but at least in this case, it certainly had its benefits. I think the lesson is rather obvious. I have long since joined the ranks of the Mother, but it's quite another experience entirely to have your own Mother welcome you. Part of the right of passage for both Mother and Daughter is in sharing that experience. I fully intend on contacting her again, but in a purposeful, meditative state where I'm much more comfortable, moving like a well-versed shaman rather than a disembodied changeling.