Always look on the bright side of life *whistle*

Tuesday-cloudy, cold, hot chocolate kind of morning

The kids' bags are packed, everything is ready, I can't think of anything left that I said I'd do later. I'm at 39 weeks tomorrow, which doesn't mean anything at all, really. For the last two days I've been feeling like it's time, my head full of labor-land, cramps at night which could go either way, with essentially 8 to 14 days of just. waiting. for. it. It can be maddening and I'm kinda getting into "eff it...whatever..." mode. Next up will be "crying...can't be pregnant another day...I AM SO DONE!" mode, probably about a day or two after my due date ;)

Last night, I stared into the fire as it was Brigid's night to tend, which usually brings a message or thought of some sort. I wasn't disappointed. I could see in the embers, clear as a painting, a woman nursing a small baby (with facial features, even!) as a boy looked on. The way the small logs were stacked even created an ambient feeling of a manger or cave or temple space. It was a good reminder of *why* I need to wait until the baby and my body are ready. It felt...nice. Like a warm hug.

Useless Anecdote: Anyone that knows me knows I am not patient. When I decide "hey, let's go on a vacation..." or whateverthehell, it's going to be this weekend or next week. Same with starting a project or a craft or updating the kids' school records.

I'm gazing into the embers and trying my damndest to listen and be still, but all I can think in my mind, my brain, my being is PLEASE HURRY UP AND LET IT BE TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!! No, really, I know that I can't hurry it and I should just find peace and wait. TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then the unthinkable happened. The log crashed down and decimated the entire scene. Make of that what you will, but I'm going to say that it was a pretty clear indicator that my impatience is ruining the last bit of pregnancy. There's so much to enjoy and feel warmth over still and I'm trampling the flowers to get to the river. I really have no reason to not enjoy this last week...I'm mostly comfortable; I have a decent back-up sleep plan for when I'm crampy and unable to sleep. I'm just...well...not good at waiting.

So here's a short list of things I'm going to try to think about when I get completely batshit crazy impatient:

• It's the last bit of time I'm going to get to be just me and youngen 1 and 2 during the day. We should paint or color or stitch or something.
• I get weepy every time I hear a song about child being born. Um...given that I *lurveeeee* Christmas/Yule/holiday music, it's just about every 3 minutes. This is a fantastic time of year to give birth and I haven't explored the 10th of what it all means. I'll probably blog about this later, when I've had more time to consider it...
• Giving birth by the tree-light is going to be awesome.  (Not that thinking about it helps my patience at all.) Decorating is a good distraction.
• The only expectations of me are those I place on myself. The house stays mostly clean, we homeschool for pete's sake! so the requirements are as low as I choose to let them be. Quite literally, I could lay around, watch TV and eat bon bons all day and everyone would say "well done! You stayed off your feet!" *eyeroll* 
• My wonderful husband has stepped up his game in the cooking/cleaning/helping/etc department. I think he's about as ready as I am and even less good at being patient, which is comforting in its own way. What woman would turn down an involved, caring, sympathetic husband?

and my favorite:

• When the baby's moving all around, I can just ignore it, roll over, and go back to sleep. Won't be able to do that in a very short time.