June 7--Warm, sunny, 2 days past Venus Transit
My birthday was 2 days ago. It was a fantastic, wonderful day and as usual, it brought tons of phone calls from family and friends. One of those in particular is a mixed blessing...
I have a male cousin that was difficult to like as a kid. He was a bully and liked to make fun of people, didn't care if he hurt them or made them cry, hit them in the head with hard objects, shot them in the ass with a BB gun. And still, I feel bad for bringing these instances up, like I'm a whiny brat just for saying what kind of kid he was. That's what happens when someone hurts you until you cry and then makes fun of you for crying. So, anyways, he's an adult now and he's chilled out a lot, and has even been helpful and nice to me when I visited. But some things don't change...he's got an opinion about everything and can be brutal in his "joking".
When he called me for my birthday, we got to talking about my pregnancy. He had a comment about "yeah, just make sure you know when to stop! [having kids]" (insert raucous laughter here) and then it hit me: If he can be sarcastic about how many kids we have, our choices regarding breastfeeding, birthing, discipline ideas, etc. then why should I give him a straight answer about anything? What gives him the right to an honest, caring answer from me, that reveals my heart and my desire, my soul and my emotions?
So I threw it right back at him.
"Just make sure you know when to stop!"
~"nah! We can't stop until we have at least 20."
"Don't have this one in the car...get yo ass to the hospital!"
~"Oh, come on! We wanted this one in the back yard with a sprinkler"
"Don't be like one of those (profanity) women that has a kid hanging off her tit. Like some broke (expletive) that can't afford to feed 'em real food."
~"Nah. I'm gonna feed them fried chicken while we're still in the hospital"
On and on and on...
Why should I open my heart to him? Care what he thinks about our plans? Just because he's family doesn't mean I have to include him or ask his opinion. I'm not going to agree with him or change my own plans anyway.
I'm beginning to think that it's completely fine to pick and choose who I want to be close to and who I most certainly don't. That doesn't mean I can't be nice to him or talk sometimes, even laugh and visit. We're just very different and I recognize that he's not someone I would choose as a friend. It's okay to prune away, guard yourself, put up an intentional wall, as long as you also know when to take down the wall, clear your aura, and be comfortable with being your true self.
I like this and I agree 100% with you.This can be used in so many ways with dealing with family members that not have a problem with you but with themselves.For if they didn't have a problem with themselves they wouldn't hurt others with their rudeness.
ReplyDeleteJust because you're related certainly doesn't mean you need to be friendly with them. I can relate completely. Recently I had to cut ties with a family member due to some abusive behavior. Life's too short to surround yourself with stupidity. :)
ReplyDeleteSharing DNA does not give anyone the liberty to behave like a jerk. Clearly he has "issues" and while that is unfortunate, as a adult it's his responsibility to realize when his teasing stops being teasing and begins to border into sociopathy, and then to choose to clean his act up. If he doesn't, then he can suffer the natural consequences of such behavior, which is to find himself isolated from kinfolk and others. You owe him nothing.
ReplyDelete