When the Wisdom of the Elders isn't there

Wednesday, cloudy, kids swam under water for the first time yesterday and it was awesome

If you were looking for an uplifting blog, today isn't it. In fact, this one is rather heavy, even for my tastes. I understand if you skip it for something that's a bit more skittles and unicorns.

We choose our friends, we follow our bliss. We meditate and center, speak truth and surround ourselves with those that uplift us and help us along our path. With how spread out our communities and families have become, it's almost too easy to say "you don't serve my highest good." *snip* Person cut off, de-friended on facebook, oops I missed your call while I was looking straight at my phone and decided I really just don't want to talk to you.

So we surround ourselves with those that bring us closer to Divinity, those that we enjoy the laughs and the company, and if we have a falling-out, we know we'll patch it up and have a stronger relationship on the other side. Or we won't. And *snip*...or *drift*...we'll just eventually stop talking and go do our own separate things.

The exception to this is, of course: family.

I'm not talking about the crack-head mother that steals from you or the psycho aunt that you cut completely off, without second thought. No, much more subtle than that. I'm referring to the cousin that you don't like to talk to because their prejudice offends you, the aunt that can turn what you say back around on you and make you feel like shit, the family member that gossips like hell behind everyone's back, but sees it as her solemn duty to make sure that everyone in the family knows what's going on with everyone else--for the highest good of the family, naturally.

It's these people that are forever, chosen before birth, for whatever challenges your Highest Self thought you would need to learn. Or perhaps you were really just supposed to get that mother and father, but the aunt happened to come along with the package deal... I'm just speculating...

We're supposed to look to our Family Elders for advice, unconditional love, and support when needed. But what happens when you grow up and realize that you're a part of a family that's used in "Breaking the Cycle" videos in low-income high schools?

For me, it meant going off to college, changing my whole view of Deity and "religion," getting handfasted in a park without inviting anyone that I didn't want there, planning births with midwives, in short--life was hunky dory and I cut away that which did not serve me. I "broke" the cycle. I wasn't living with alcoholics, no one was fighting, I was rising out of the hate spiral of fundamentalism, I was creating the life that I wanted. I was following my bliss.

Funny thing happens when you start having kids. They need to see their family, the aunts start coming around to visit "the babies," you end up spending a hell of a lot more time with family, in addition to weddings, funerals, Christmas, and sickbeds. One of them moves close to you, or you to them, and then you see a hella lot more of them.

I see wisdom in my elders. I don't agree with how they raised their kids (myself included), I have a very different vision of parenthood, of enlightenment, of Life...but I acknowledge that there is wisdom in their years of experience. They have seen many things. However, after the passing of my grandfather, I don't see much Wisdom in my Elders (with some exceptions...my dad can really get my goat some times, but behind the joking, there is much Wisdom, if I'm lucky enough to understand his euphemisms and analogies. He reminds me of the dad in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs with the fish analogies).

So the problem is: when do you include them in your Journey and when do you deny them access? When do you tell them that you'd like to plan a Sacred Homebirth, attended by a midwife, a spiritual counselor, a husband, and no one else? That, um, no I wasn't going to have a Baby Shower at all this time and instead I'm going to have a Belly Blessing that might make you more than a little uncomfortable...what with all the Goddess invoking and pregnant belly dancing. How do you have conversations about the amazing spiritual transformation you had when your daughter was born in the back seat of a car with no doctors, drugs, or even guidance...knowing that all you get in return is snide comments about how no one would be stupid enough to willingly fore-go the epidural.

I've been meditating on this for a long while and I had some clear ideas during the Christopher Penzcak workshop and I've been counseling with Brigid in my daily time with Her. The answer for me lies in the Fifth Word of the Witch: To Keep Silent. My Journey is my own, as is theirs. I can't pull them along their Path, no more than I would allow them to pull me off of mine. Nod, smile, have fun, shoot pool and go to the beach. But when the questions about "so are you gonna breastfeed this one after they've got a mouthful of teeth?" start, know that Your Path is Your Own and you have the right to Keep Silent. Center, ground, release, and maintain your Power.